Two Become One

The ideal time to marry

How do you know which is the perfect time in your life to get married? This question is one of the most debated nowadays regarding marriage. Despite some people still getting married in their early 20’s, we see more and more how some prefer to delay it until they achieve certain milestones, and some who even choose the no-marriage route altogether.

For starters, it is safe to say it is important to be at least 18 years old. But then, you are young, you probably don’t have financial stability and you probably also would like to go to college. When you are done with college, you are jobless and maybe with student loans, so maybe it is best to get a job and then think about getting married. But… you just got a job, you don’t have a ton of savings if you even have savings at all, so maybe just wait until you have some financial stability (how are you gonna pay for the wedding anyway?). But then, you maybe are doing very good in your career, work consumes a lot of your time, or maybe you want to do a postgrad degree. You are probably better off enjoying and building your financial independence first. At the end, why do you have to get married anyway? You can just move in together and keep each other’s independence. That way in case something goes wrong, it is not a huge mess, right? This is the way I used to think and they way many people think today when they think about marriage. Or maybe you do value marriage and want to get married eventually, but you feel you are too young, too broke, or too early in your career to take that step.

However, this all comes from a misconception of what marriage truly means. I get wanting to be prepared before taking such an important step, but usually, this way of thinking comes from a place of self-interest: “I want to get MY life in order, so when I sign up for this in the name of love, I have the means to get an out and take MY life back”. Unfortunately, this way of thinking is becoming more and more common especially among women. But, going into a marriage thinking it is going to fail, is the worst mentality to start a marriage with. Also, going into a marriage thinking you still want to be “independent” from you spouse is contrary the purpose marriage serves.

Genesis 2:24 is when the covenant of marriage is presented first in the Bible: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh“. You probably have seen that verse before but do you really know what it means? It doesn’t mean just two people living together and pulling towards their own goals and interests, but two souls co-dependent on each other, living to serve each other and to honor God in the process. Husband and wife should pull towards the same direction. It is no longer my goals but our goals, no longer my life but our lives, and no longer me but us.

The Bible also reminds us that “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). And even though this verse doesn’t apply only to marriage, marriage is indeed about building a life where both partners grow stronger together. This covenant creates a space where two people can encourage each other when one feels weak, celebrate victories together, and share the weight of challenges. Therefore, marriage should be a drive to achieve more and grow more as a couple, not only in the worldly things, but in Christ. Decision-making becomes a joint effort, spiritual growth is nurtured side by side, and challenges are faced together. In this way, marriage becomes a partnership that not only supports personal growth but also reflects God’s design for love, unity, and purpose. God’s design for marriage is perfect and way better than the one we have adopted in today’s world.

So, to answer our original question, when is the best time to get married? The short answer is: in God’s time. Pray a lot to the Lord for guidance. But I would say, when you understand what a Christ-centered marriage is, what it entails, and you are ready to live up to its meaning (or at least try), and make the decision of choosing your partner everyday for the rest of your life, is when you know it is the right step. It won’t depend on when you finish your career, or when you have X millions in your bank account, but on when you find the right God-fearing person that wants to walk life and honor God with you. It also doesn’t have to be perfect. It won’t be. J and I got married at 29 and 25 respectively. We do not have life figured out in the slightest, but we want to figure it out together.

I hope this reading was helpful or at least enjoyable. I will keep posting more about Christ-centered marriage so stay tuned!

With love, S.